If you dont follow me on Facebook or Instagram, I announced that I was doing a 30 Day Reset Challenge over on Healthy Soul 360. In the posts and video, I tell you how I went MIA for a while in December. So I wanted to talk about this today.
Here it goes...
I have allowed people to take advantage of me for the longest time. I have allowed people to use me for the longest time. I have allowed people to make me feel like a worthless piece of crap for the longest time. I have allowed myself to remove myself from any sort of socialization because I felt alone and totally unworthy of relationships including a relationship with myself and even with God.
I've been in such a low state for so long. And when I'm at my weakest, the devil himself shows his ugly face. Reminding me that I'm worthless, unloved, stupid, a useless piece of crap, and alone.
The devil shows his ugly face in my internal voice, in actions of other people, in comments from other people, and worst of all in my nightmares causing many sleepless nights (most nights of maybe 4 hours of sleep if I'm lucky), many nights I don't want to fall asleep because I'm afraid, and many nights I wake up gasping for air, sweating profusely and crying my eyes out.
I recently fell to my knees and I fell hard. I surrendered. I gave up. My white flag was waving. God I don't know what to do anymore.
By the Power of The Holy Spirit, satan get behind us...
God picked me up and that's what he's doing right now for you, too. He's rescuing you. He's nurturing you. He's heard your cries. He's heard your prayers. His Angels are coming for you. HE is coming for you. He is fighting your battles. He is fighting battles for you that you don't even know of.
Lauren Daigle's song called Rescue is what helped me in knowing that I'm being saved from those dark, lonely, hard moments.
Reaching out to my friends and asking them to pray over me is what helped in pushing the enemy behind me.
Opening up my Bible and praying is what helped me focus on God pulling me through this.
My fiancé sleeping beside me, waking up from my reaching for air, knowing the enemy is attacking me, and him immediately praying over me is what's helped my sleepless nights feel a little more safer, a little more bearable, and a little more peaceful.
Today I've been listening solely to worship music and listening to Lauren's Rescue, I've broke down in tears again.
Not because I still feel broken, but rather I know it's time to put on my Armor, pick up my Sword because it's time to go into battle, and rescue others who are defenseless and balled up in the corner being attacked.
And it's weird, it wasn't tears because I was afraid, but rather tears because I could hear Gods whisper telling me that I am strong, I am worthy, I am loved, I am enough, and that it's time for me to enter His Army.
I'm here to remind you of just that.
I'm here to tell you that God is on His way. I'm here to tell you that God is fighting for you. I'm here to tell you that God's Army is fighting through your darkest battles in order to reach you.
I'm here to remind you that you are strong. I'm here to remind you that you are worthy. I'm here to remind you that you are loved. I'm here to remind you that you are not alone. I'm here to remind you that you are enough.
I'm here to remind you that you are worth fighting for.
I'm putting on my Armor and I'm picking up my Sword because I'm coming into battle for you, too.
God, our Most High Almighty Father, loves us so much that He will always fight for us. His Love is so fierce and steadfast, it is unfaltering and unwavering.
And it is in this reminder that I ask you to truly believe that God's Army is coming for you right in this very moment.
PS- Ladies, I've decided to open up my calendar and offer you something special. I am opening up my calendar for my Put On Your Armor Promo for a 60 minute call and 2 weeks of unlimited Voxer support (voice and text chat). This offer is only available until February 1st 11:59PM EST. This is designed to help you in finding your confidence again and knowing just how loved you truly are. Please CLICK HERE to book your time!! Chat soon!