Today I thought I’d write about something that’s a hard and sometimes a touchy subject. It’s something that has been heavy on my heart for a while now.
This is hard, it’s hard to forgive someone who has done something wrong to you, who hurt you. Trust me, I know. I know it all too well. I know what it’s like to feel so angry. I know what it’s like to feel helpless. I know what it’s like to feel stupid and dumb. I know what it’s like to feel degraded and inferior. I know what it’s like to hate and to hurt. But I also know what it’s like to feel loved, to feel smart, to feel equal, to feel helpful.
I have been hurt and lied to and so much more, especially what I just mentioned above. Someone who I should have been able to trust and love and count on, I couldn’t. Some people who are reading this who know me, you know what I’m talking about. But this person walked out of my life, granted that person was never there for me. I had always been so hurt and angry with this person that I felt numb over time. It’s better though because I don’t feel numb, angry, or sad. Yes, I may still be hurt, there were scars left behind that will never go away. But, I can honestly say that I have truly forgiven this person.
I wanted to give you all some advice and understanding on forgiveness. We, as a society, need to be more forgiving. I’m not saying forget because I certainly can’t forget what hurt was caused and the scars left behind, but to simply forgive. Whether it’s someone who hurt you, someone who could never be there for you, someone who walked out on you — whether it’s a parent, family member, friend, sibling, spouse, or yourself — forgive them for you, to give yourself peace, to release them from your mind.
Why should we forgive?
It releases us. Forgiving someone or something who has done something wrong against you doesn’t happen over night. Where it’s someone who attempts to compete with you or take your ideas, you get annoyed or angry; or if it’s someone who has caused a lot of pain to you, you feel hurt and angry and sad. Why? We often wonder “why me?” Why are you feeling like this, though? When you forgive, it releases us from those feeling and it releases those people from your emotions. Those people who cause us hurt and pain, they themselves are in pain. We need to always take a step back and wonder WHY someone could be acting the way they are.
Who should we forgive?
I think this one is pretty obvious. It could be a loved one, friend, or foe. It could even be yourself. Have you ever seen the movie or read the book “Tuesday’s With Morrie”? The movie was amazing, I have to buy the book though!! Morrie said something wonderful —
“Forgive everyone and everything right now before it’s too late.”
— It’s so true. It gives you a wonderful peace knowing that you have forgiven those who have done wrong against you. As my mother says, “don’t let them rent space in your head,” they’re not paying rent, so kick them out!
How do we forgive? Forgive everyone every single day. This includes forgiving yourself. Tell yourself “I forgive and release _(insert name here)_. I pray for them to heal, but I pray for myself to heal and be free.” Telling this to yourself daily, maybe even a few times a day and out loud, it will give you peace. Welcome this peace, love and understanding into your life.
It’s taken me a quite a while to even begin to work on forgiving this particular person. I had come to the realization that even though I promised myself I would never have any kind of contact with this person, I cannot let this person control my emotions. I will not allow negativity into my life and being angry at someone is negativity. I've truly completely forgiven them, but I did it for me. I’m doing it to bring peace and light and love into my life. I have been surrounded by a few amazing friends, my amazing boyfriend, my wonderful loving mother, brother, and grandparents. That’s a key, surround yourself with love and positivity!
There is no specific time limit to your journey in forgiving or your journey in healing. My journey took 3 years and a childhood of hurt. Welcome forgiveness, love, light, and understanding into your life. So I’ll leave you with one word… FORGIVE… Take and do with it what you wish. You can continue to hold a grudge and continue to be intoxicated by hatred and anger and negativity, OR you can be overwhelmed with love and indeed forgiveness!!!
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” ~Ghandi